August 26, 2016: Wow, the house is finally closed – how anticlimactic and bittersweet. I’m not sure how I feel – stunned is probably the best description! I loved the house, and it feels very odd to know it belongs to someone else now. I just need to remind myself that I was a slave to that house, I was a like a prisoner there, and very unhappy. It took a great deal of my free time and a huge portion of my salary to maintain it. And then there was the feeling that the only reason I continued working at a job I no longer wanted, was to support a house I no longer wanted. I had no choice – I had to sell it.
For some reason, though, I’m not jumping up and down with glee like I thought I would. I really thought I would simply sob with relief when it finally sold. I know intellectually that I should be incredibly excited and happy about the future, but I’m not feeling it. Instead, I feel anxious, scared, and numb.
I filed for retirement, and my last day of work is Wednesday, 31 August 2016. Even though I know I should be able to live somewhat comfortably on my small pension plus early Social Security, I’m still worried about money. But, my very wise son reminded me that even though I’ll be poor, I’ll be better off than I was while working and maintaining that house. That’s because it’s better to be poor and free, than poor and working full time and spending it all on a house that’s a money pit! And he’s absolutely right.
So I have to accept that I’ll be poor (still), and that I’ll have no house for a while. I’ll adjust.